Week 24 - Frustrating Times

This week has been the most frustrating, challenging and tough week since I started this journey. I have really hit a new low in terms of motivation to train, I just don't want to. While I am very grateful to still be alive having nearly killed myself, I am fed up and pissed off with my shoulder, and now shape. I am out of shape, unfit, overweight and lacking motivation. Not a good place with 6 weeks to go. I am fed up with training on the turbo and indoors; all I want to do is to be able to go for a run, plod up and down a pool or just go climbing in snowdonia on my bike. It is incredibly frustrating. With no training plan to follow, I have let my training slip, so I allow things to get in the way of training rather than making way for my training and fitting my life around it. I need to find a balance.

In terms of my injury however, things are great. I have now got full movement in my shoulder back, not bad for 3 weeks! It is still weak, and the bone hasn't quite finished healing yet, but my neck and trapeze muscle hurt more than my fracture, which I think is them getting used to the new position and being used after a while of inactivity. If you looked at me now, you wouldn't be able to tell I had a fracture in my shoulder, I can just about do everything with my shoulder/arm again, even managed to sleep on it last night. So I am very pleased with this. Also, whilst on the turbo at the weekend, I was able to support my entire body weight with my arm, so as soon as I get my helmet replaced (on my long list of things to do!) and bike back I am going back out on the road. Carefully at first to test it, then will try some proper climbing. I managed to throw my upper body round out of the saddle on the turbo with no pain, but it can never replicated real climbing so we will have to see. I may try running properly this week, and if I can I can slowly start building that up.

One of my many tasks this week (along with finding a house to live in for next week!) is to write myself a training plan. As soon as I have that, I can know what training I have, and make time for it. If time permits, I will be back in the pool next week, (the week I start work, so could be interesting) and then hopefully will be back out on the road. I have a lot of catching up to do. With 6 weeks left, and not too much fitness lost, I should be able to get myself into a reasonable shape. I need to quickly ramp up my long rides, to fit a few 180k rides in before my taper. My running I would like to be running half marathons again in a couple of weeks, depending on my foot and knees. If I can do that, I am in good stead for the marathon. The only problem is the swimming. I have lost a lot of strength in my shoulder, and probably all endurance. So I will have 5 weeks to build up and taper to a 4k race effectively. Luckily swimming only requires a small taper, so I can build right up to race week, hopefully fitting in some OW practise.

6 weeks to go, and hopefully this is my lowest point. The only way is up! And for all those wondering if I am still doing this, and why after my crash. Of course I am still doing this. I am far too stubborn to give up and not let myself do it, despite the fracture and crash. My confidence may be dented when I get back in the hills, but it will come back. And the main reason? I have dedicated the last 6 months of my life to this, there is no way I can stop. I need this, to show that the last 6 months, the changes, the sacrifices and everything have all been worth it. And most importantly, I need this for myself, to prove to myself that I can do it, and that it won't break me. This will be the hardest thing I will have ever done, but I intend to grab it by both horns and wrestle it all the way to the finish line, no matter how hard, how painful, how long, how difficult it is.

Bring it on.

Tim